When I was in high school, I remember myself as a bold and a brazen girl. I spoke my mind without the slightest hint of hesitation and was proud of the fact that there was no pretence or underlying meaning in whatsoever I said or did. I believed that I would be the same girl I was then, all my life. But, how wise could a 15 year old girl be?
We live in a restless world that changes with every breath.
Metamorphosis in a human being’s life is marked or initiated by an unknown incident in life that leaves one hanging in mid-air. You’ll find everything around you falling apart. Your surroundings will engulf you and crush you. It’ll be hard to live. And it’ll be worse to breathe. You grope for anything that looks familiar to you. You’ll want to cling on to your past. Anything, that gives you the security of being who you were. Because, you know that person and it’s so easy to deal with the known.
But, Life mocks at you and stands in the dark corner, jeering at you. You trap yourself in a clandestine space from where you can’t see Life, thinking it won’t be able to look at your either. You cringe in the corner, shivering and scared. Because no, you don’t want to be anyone other than who you were!
You close your eyes to block the world. Slowly, the noises from the outside world fade away. You contemplate and you delve deeper into yourself. You pamper yourself and you teach yourself how to breathe again. It’s so difficult at first, but gradually it turns into an effortless process. Things seem clearer and you think about opening your eyes. You are now ready to look at the present. You are now okay with what’s in store for you.
You open your eyes and you see soft light outside your dark hole. You want to get up, stretch and head out. But, you are still tired and you sit gaining all your strength, all the while searching for Life. It stands somewhere outside; you can see its shadow. You expect It to laugh out loud and mock at you. But no, you just see the shadow waiting outside.
You rub your eyes and get up with all your strength. You feel that you have stronger legs, powerful hands, a strange calm inside you and a fierce passion to take the world. Nevertheless, you are scared of who you are. You are worried about how the world will perceive you. But, you no more agonise over what Life will throw at you.
You rise. From the dirt and the dark. You walk out and you see Life smiling at you. You smile back with a triumphant look on your face. You’ve changed; you’re more beautiful than who you were, with layers to you. You are a complicated being for the world to understand. But, you know who you are.
I am no more who I was. I am the quiet girl whose acquaintances from high school no more recognise her. I am the labyrinthine introvert who is proud of having undergone that change. I am so glad of going through the phase that initiated my metamorphosis. I love the constant change. I enjoy being a slightly different person everyday.
Because, if you’re finished changing, you’re finished.